I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
