That's when you crack a 10am beer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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