So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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