are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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