This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
