Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
