You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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