I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
