i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
