my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
