guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
