I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
