who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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