ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
