No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
