I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
