Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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