Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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