you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize