Pregnant stripper...not hot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
