i already hear my dad disowning me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
