Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
