I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
