So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
MIDGETS
????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
