if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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