We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
