I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
