I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
