a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
