Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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