Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize