i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
