All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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