so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize