I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
