I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we're making bets on your personal life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
