You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
