I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
