But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
