If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
