is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
