I wish I only lived at night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
