She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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