I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
