Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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