Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
