I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
