Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
