Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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