if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
