i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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