Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize