I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
