Kareoke will never be a sober sport
one might say we're banned from that church
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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