I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
