I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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