When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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