he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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