batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she smelled like a LAN party
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
