We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
