So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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