Moan for me like Helen Keller
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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