still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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