Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
