Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
