Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize