and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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