On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize