Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
