How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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