if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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