Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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