why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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