foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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