The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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