kristin has been a bad kristin
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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