Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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