I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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