woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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