I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
