Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
