Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
