he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
