I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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