Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
