I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
