I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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