Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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