I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
as a side note pls kill me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
