in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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