His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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