So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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