see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
