I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she told me i tasted like america
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
