The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
