Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize