Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
